The Smear Campaign: Part 1 – the Abuse Nobody Sees

When people think about coercive control, they often imagine one person controlling another.

What they don’t see is something much bigger.

Before many controllers isolate a victim, they first isolate the people who might protect them.

They don’t always do this by locking doors or stopping visits.

They do it by changing how everyone else sees the family.

A caring daughter suddenly becomes “controlling.”

A concerned son is accused of only wanting money.

Grandchildren are portrayed as upsetting the victim.

Friends become “a bad influence.”

One by one, the people who would normally ask questions begin stepping back.

Not because they’ve seen abuse.

Because they’ve been persuaded who the abuser is.

This is one of the most effective tactics used by coercive controllers.

It creates doubt.

It damages reputations.

It turns concern into suspicion.

Once that happens, the controller often no longer needs to isolate the victim themselves.

Others begin doing it for them.

Professionals become cautious.

Neighbours stop asking questions.

Friends drift away.

The victim’s world quietly becomes smaller.

This pattern appears in domestic abuse, elder financial abuse, predatory marriage, parental alienation and many other forms of exploitation.

The relationship changes.

The tactics rarely do.

Recent reporting of the Pamela Gwinnett case provides another public example of these behaviours. Alongside the financial abuse, reports describe false allegations being made against family members while an elderly woman was isolated from those closest to her.

The money wasn’t where the abuse began.

It was where the abuse ended.

The real warning signs appeared much earlier.

Understanding those warning signs is how we prevent abuse, rather than simply investigate it after the damage has been done.

Perhaps it’s time we stopped asking only what was stolen.

Perhaps we should start asking who benefited from everyone believing the family was the problem.